Center Against Family Violence - Helping Your Friend

Helping Your Friend

Statistics show that 1 in 4 of us know someone who is affected by domestic violence.

This person can be a friend, family member, co-worker, school mate or even ourselves.

When helping victims it is important to remember a few key points:

1. Don't Judge. Making comments about how stupid it is to stay in an abusive relationship won't help their self-confidence. In addition, putting down their partners won't make them see their faults. Victims may still see their partners as someone they love. By insulting their partner, you are also insulting their choices.

2. Give options, not advice. There are all types of obstacles that prevent victims from leaving. Listening and offering options instead of advice will allow victims to make their own decisions. This is part of empowering them to take control of their own lives.

3. Respect their autonomy. You cannot make any decisions for anyone but yourself. They need to make choice about their life on their own.

4. Support their decisions. One common reason why victims stay is because they have no one to encourage their choices and validate their feelings.

5. Accompany them. Sometimes going to a therapy or counseling appointment is difficult. Show your encouragement by driving them and accompanying them to their appointment.

When helping a batterer, please keep some things in mind:

1. Don't Call them Batterers. After using a term like "batterer," they may not be receptive to receiving help because they don't consider themselves "batterers."

2. Encourage their recovery. Tell them they can help their family if they receive help at a BIP Program.

3. Don't Allow for Victim Blaming. Make sure the conversation is geared to the batterer getting help, not what the victim did to provoke the abuse.

4. Tell them Counseling doesn't mean Weakness. Counseling is a way to keep their family intact and healthy. It doesn't mean they are crazy; it means they want to keep their family safe.

5. Accompany them. Sometimes going to a therapy or counseling appointment is difficult. Show your encouragement by driving them and accompanying them to their appointment.

Please feel free to print and distribute our materials (available above) to those who may need help with their relationship.